How Do I Love Myself?


This is such a common topic these days. We live in a culture that benefits from everyone feeling crappy about themselves, i.e. if you don’t like yourself you might buy some product to make you feel better or to change yourself somehow. I’m telling you right now: you cannot find a way to love yourself through buying more (fill in the blank), whether it’s beauty products, clothing, or whatever else. The path to loving yourself transcends retail economy.

Here are my top tips for learning to love yourself just as you are today.

Figure Out What is Getting in the Way


Your thoughts become your reality. Think about it, every time you have a negative thought about yourself you begin to believe it a tiny bit more; add up all those times you’ve thought about your “ugly nose” and I’m going to guess you actually believe these subjective thoughts as being factual reality. If you are thinking negative things about yourself then you are contributing to the problem. Start being more kind to yourself today, when you think about your “ugly nose” catch yourself and change the thought, “my unique nose” or “my nose I inherited from my grandmother.”


What is going on around you that is getting in the way of you loving yourself today? There are so many messages in our world that contribute to negative thoughts about ourselves from advertisements and the media to interactions with others. Start to notice when you feel down on yourself and if there are any connections to what is going on around you. There could be a location or group of others that are reinforcing these negative thoughts about yourself.

Activities and How You Spend Your Time

Maybe reading a certain magazine or watching a particular TV show leaves you feeling less than, if so, then start to put some distance between your very important self image and these negative influences. There is absolutely no reason to put some “entertainment” higher on your list of priorities than your self-worth.

Highlight the Positive

What You Think Becomes Your Reality

In a world where others are rewarded by our negative self-images (making a profit while we try to find the next thing that will “fix” us) it’s no wonder so many of us are struggling with thinking positive things about ourselves. This is the exact reason we need to be working hard to counter these negative thoughts. You can start to convince your brain of the positive today, think of a simple statement that you can believe about yourself and keep redirecting yourself to think it, for example, “I’m a kind and caring friend.” Every time you have a negative thought about yourself redirect your brain to your positive self-statement.

Surround Yourself With Positivity

This can be as literal as you want it to be, if you want to plaster your walls with positive affirmations then power to you. If a post it note on your mirror or steering wheel is more your style then go for it, you can even use the positive self-statement you already picked out!

Focusing On The Positive Isn’t Denying The Negative

Don’t get stuck here in the negativity trap of, “if I only think about the positive then I’m denying the facts that things are crappy.” This is a trick! When your brain is used to focusing on the negative it will find any way it can to swing back to negativity. Focusing on the positive is NOT denying the negative. You can acknowledge both positive and negative and then DECIDE where to focus your brain power.

Leave The Haters To Hate On Their Own

When You Join In You Are Using Your Valuable Resources For Negativity

T. Swizzle knows what she’s talking about here, “haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate,” but that doesn’t mean you have to join in. You have only so much time and energy, why spend it on negativity? That is just a waste of your valuable resources. You can notice the hate and just simply decide if it’s worth your energy and time or not, and if not then just move on and do some brain redirection like we talked about above.

Do You Really Want To Spend Time With This/These People

Real talk: out of all of the possible things you could do with your time in this vast world overflowing with opportunities do you really want to spend your time and energy with people that bring you down and make you feel negatively? This shift away from negativity isn’t a malicious one, we all know that everyone is going through their own battles and their own journey, I’m suggesting that you decide if being with negative influences is really what your heart desires. If your heart is calling you in another direction then I suggest you follow, our hearts can be really excellent guides.

You Can’t Change Anyone’s Mind But Your Own

Really. How many times have you seen or engaged in a “debate” on social media? How many times has this resulted in someone eventually agreeing with their opposition? Hardly ever. When debates or arguments happen they trigger parts of us that get really defensive really fast which usually results in extreme statements and hurtful speech. We can only control ourselves. If there is a loved one that you deeply want to talk with then that will involve a lot more strategy and time then an online back and forth. I suggest focusing on yourself and spending some of your precious energy on training your brain to focus on positivity like we talked about above.

Still feeling stuck or so energized by this information that you are hungry for more? Reach out today for a free 10-15 minute phone consultation and we can talk about how I can help you find what you are looking for.